IMAGINE

Family Business by The Fugees

2012-01-31T21:07:00.005+08:00

I think my current display photo on facebook signifies a lot about where I am in my life right now. Looking past the fact that I look all greasy and unhealthy, I'm also happy. And I have such good people around me. I know I royally fucked up as a person before, especially in terms of my relationships, with a heck of a selfish attitude. I am always aware of my past. It's there daily in my conscience to make sure I don't make the same mistakes with my decisions. But I have progressed. This past year has taught me to be at peace with my thoughts, and I am calmer.

I graduated from college. My everyday revolves around food, tv, spooning and videogames. And I do this with someone who has come to mean something to me. Oh shit, it's a HE. They aren't so bad, I suppose. Men. This one particularly, is a gem.

Let this year be better than the last.

"Lord, may you take what I can't let go"

Thunder by BLG

2012-01-05T00:42:00.000+08:00

I found an old cd today, and decided to pop it into the stereo. A familiar beat came on, but it took me awhile to place the song. Then it snapped, and all those emotions flooded back. In an instant, I had tears streaming down my face. I guess you've been on my mind more than usual lately, but circumstance prevents me from checking in. We were amazing, you were definitely something. I wish you enough, b.

Settling.

2011-12-29T15:58:00.000+08:00

We live in a generation of not being inlove, and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we're together, cause we're afraid of seeing each other with somebody else -Drake

Breathe

2011-12-22T13:06:00.000+08:00

The game ain't in me no more man, none of it -Cutty

Novacane by Frank Ocean

2011-12-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

Dorkalicious.

In The Morning by J.Cole ft Drake

2011-11-12T06:41:00.000+08:00

Girly conversations with my best friend over boys (aliens).

So she says: "Don't be a lesbian anymore, there is no need" :D

I adore my daddylonglegs.

Take Care by Drake ft Rihanna

2011-11-10T01:29:00.005+08:00

Relationships that start out based on sex would find it rather difficult to take to the next level. Now, I'm talking about relationships that have more chemistry than your regular fuck buddy. Both sides are most likely to be hesitant in being the one that makes the first move, to be the "weak" one that caved into (the bitch that is) feelings. The idea that sex is just sex has pretty much ingrained itself in most of our peers today, and those not "strong" enough to separate feelings from pleasure should face the consequence themselves. This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less. (I blame it on the superego) Food for thought.

Blessed All Souls Day

2011-11-01T20:04:00.001+08:00

May perpetual light shine upon the faces of all who rest here

May the lives they lived unfold further in spirit

May the remembering earth mind every memory they brought

May the rains from the heavens fall gently upon them

May the wildflowers and grasses whisper their wishes into the light.

May we reverence the village of presence in the stillness of this silent field.

-John O'Donohue

I miss you, papa.

Darling by Kids These Days

2011-10-31T17:06:00.007+08:00

It's four thirty in the evening, and the sky is almost as dark as midnight. She lies beneath the covers, to the sound of thunder rolling outside, struggling to form coherent sentences that would convey her emotions. Raindrops splatter hard against the windows, the storm is moving in. And the thunder rolls.

I am a control freak. Reflecting back on everything that has happened, I realize I've always been the domineering type. My need to always be in control of my situation, to know every detail of it has been a weakness I have yet to overcome. Things could be going well enough for a sane person to know how to sit back and appreciate, but of course, being sane is not in my vocabulary. I don't understand how I allow my trust issues to overwhelm my sanity on so many different levels.

She flicks her lighter and watches the flame burn her cigarette. Inhaling the first puff always has this strange, slightly calming effect over her. The taste of smoke on her tongue, the feel of the smoke in her lungs. Watching the smoke twirl out of her mouth, she's entranced by the shapes it takes and then disappears. How does she express herself this time?

I wonder a lot nowadays, about the things I've done to the people I care about. I look back, and I am embarrassed by my actions. When did I become this heartless? I've gotten extremely selfish when it comes to my happiness, anyone that stands in the way of it gets cut out of the equation (like a circumcised cock).

Memories fade and burn into nothing. She stares at this post, and wonders at what she's trying to achieve. Looking out the window, she sees the world being rained on. This world that expects so much out of us, a world that holds so much beauty, alongside so much cruelty.

Relationships-wise, I've been blessed with good people in my life. I suppose I should be thankful that my heart isn't tainted in that aspect, at the very least. With that said, I still turn out to be the one that ruins it all, in the end. How sadistic am I? By skipping the appropriate mourning period (normal) people go through post-breakup, I hold on to the feelings for a longer time. Maybe that's my karma.

It's a whirlwind out there. It's a whirlwind in here.

Love On Top by Beyonce

2011-10-28T23:35:00.004+08:00

She's definitely something.

White Blank Page by Mumford & Sons

2011-10-28T02:20:00.002+08:00

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't cause I thought I'd be happy alone, it was because I thought that if i loved someone, and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love, and then you don't have it? What if you like it, and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it, and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage, it's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever -Meredith Grey

Cigarettes by The Wreckers

2011-10-10T00:11:00.002+08:00

That's karma right in your face, Asha.
And yet I can't summon enough self respect to pull myself out.
Game face reactivated.

But inside you, there are three things. Your brain, your heart and your soul. You are awesome at using your heart, but you disregard your brains and well, therein lies an unhappy soul who is personally questioning her own choices in life -Beautiful.

Cheers by Rihanna

2011-09-21T02:18:00.001+08:00

Her name is Siow Nat Li, and she is blessed with the purest of hearts.

Thanksyou Babu, for being you.

Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce

2011-09-19T15:30:00.005+08:00

Smile with your teeth.

(because I wanted a change from my *cutcut posts)

Contagious by The Isley Brothers

2011-09-15T21:54:00.012+08:00

I had a conversation with Beautiful a few days ago about karma. Being a non believer pre-chat, she (brutally) enlightened me to the way I've been feeling for the past few months. Ever since the break up, to be precise. I suppose you could say that I've finally come to grasp karma's laws.

I feel different. I'm not the same person, and it's taken some getting used to (the banshee in me hath disappeared). For as long as I can remember, I've always been involved with someone at every point in my life. And yet, I've (almost) never been good enough. I took (past tense optimism here) people, situations, feelings for granted and did things my way. Because that's all there was to it. The moment. As someone once said, how can it be wrong when it feels so right? Or something along those lines of bullshit is what I'd comfort myself with.

I've never put myself in this situation before. Not one to beat around the bush when I see something I like (want), the game was never really my area of expertise (or interest). Yet what goes around comes back around, so here I am. The fool. Possibly setting myself up for hurt, and I am fully aware of that. Maybe it's just naive hope that all this would strike out the karma I'm due for. Somehow, I think this is just the beginning.

What's sad is that I love her, but I'm falling for you.

Soldier on, Asha.

How To Love by Lil Wayne

2011-08-29T03:10:00.003+08:00

I wanted words, but all I heard was nothing.

I'm On One by Drake

2011-08-10T02:57:00.000+08:00

I'm looking for a word that describes the feeling of not knowing what I'm supposed to feel. It's almost ineffable. When you're stuck in that black abyss the goth kids rant and rave about, mood: apathetic. I kid. If you're expecting this post to reveal my morphing into a hair flipping-black lipstick emo child of Lucifer, you're disillusioned. I do know where you can find a werewolf though, if anyone were interested.

It's rather fascinating to watch how I take distractions to newer and better heights, a chameleon when situations flow in my favor. I sense a thunderstorm a brewing, it's magnetic forces pulling at me like elephant glue thus making it almost impossible to walk away (or unsubscribe). I wonder if I'll be able to adapt to the rain, when I'm forced to forget these moments.

In another life, I would be your girl.
We'd keep bullet promises; be us against the world.
In another life, I would make you stay.
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away.

Space Bound by Eminem

2011-07-24T05:01:00.001+08:00

If I hadn't made me, I would have fallen apart by now
I won't let them make me, it's more than I can allow
So when I make me, I won't be paper mache
So when I fuck me, I'll fuck me in my own way.
-Incubus

No Diggedy by Blackstreet

2011-07-20T11:56:00.006+08:00

Cum face and sooper hookah nails.

If only this shot captured the thickness of that monster paper instead.

Communications Senior Project: MURDERED.

Reow.

Rolling In The Deep by John Legend

2011-07-13T04:10:00.004+08:00

"I will never regret you or say that I wish I never met you, because once upon a time you were everything I needed."

I wonder if these moments are worth anything. Living in the now might be what I need, but thoughts of what comes next flitters through my head like a fucken ninja. It's rather ironic how I foresee my mind to be what would be the breaking point of me.

Some days, I think I'm an absolute asshole for being the wedge. Other days, I push every ounce of logic I have aside to simply appreciate the day for what it is. Admittedly, I have been a touch too arrogant. I take on situations like I know best, when in actual fact I feel every doubt and burden that comes along with the complications. On the days that I feel the reality of the situation I'm in, barriers appear and I hurt just as much as the hurt I cause.

I honestly don't know how much of your words are true, and to be honest, I'm not sure I want to. Silence on my part comes at a price for me, but it's what I use to soldier on. Being naive is no longer an option. I walk willingly into every situation I find myself in, so the repercussions are mine to carry.

I can't help but wonder if I could ever be content with what I have. Where a wise person would cherish what I've let go, I willingly uproot from every good situation (relationship) I find simply because distance is the only security I trust. It would be rather paradoxical if the utmost extent of a relationship I end up with turns out to be my pets.

"Baby I've no story to be told, but I've heard one of you and I'm going to make your head burn."

Marvin's Room by Drake

2011-07-06T17:17:00.002+08:00

You didn't love her,

because you don't destroy the things you love.

"All the details you seek are caught between syllables and breaths."

There seems to be so much of trust issues going around lately. I used to think that being jaded wasn't necessarily part and parcel of every journey we undertake, but I suppose to get past certain aspects of it, a pinch would come in handy. We play mind games to appear tough, when it almost becomes a contest of who can act like they care less. We mind fuck like it's an art (of sorts). It's the same bullshit on replay, laced with situations you used to swear you'd never put yourself through. What happened to the absolutely ridiculous, mad genius(es) of my generation that were so full of love? And no, I'm not talking about naivety.

"I don't understand how people make promises, despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you out of their lives just because it's easier than working things out. So tonight I’m here again throwing punches in the wind, at some memory that I can’t even see. I know that I don’t want to let it have me, but every time it hits I feel the truth."

In my dream last night, it was pouring rain outside. I was sitting on one of those old couches that you could sink your whole body into, with a blanket covering just my toes. I had finally found a book I could get magnificently lost in, and lost I was, while absent-mindedly sipping on hot milo. The scene changed ever so slightly, that at first I couldn't exactly pinpoint the difference. But I sensed it. The colour of the room changes, it becomes rather orange-y. I look out the window, it's autumn (or what I perceive for autumn to be). Suddenly I'm in the backyard on the swing, cradling my cat, with Asia sitting by my side. There's a lake. I sense the difference again, I look back at the house but I don't recognize it. And then I felt your presence, papa. I couldn't see you, but I could smell you. The world felt right again.

“Even after all this time, the Sun never said to the Earth, “You owe me.” Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.”

We Try by Frank Ocean

2011-06-21T02:22:00.002+08:00

Looking around, I have never felt more put out of my comfort zone. Everything around me looks so different, sometimes even new. I mean, post breakup situations usually are but for some reason it still looks pretty bizarre to me. Don't get me wrong, different and new isn't automatically a bad thing right? For someone who craves security though, the shock from the changes I'm experiencing is still taking some time to settle in.

In some ways, I love it because it's the change I've been needing in my life- every new situation leaves me in a state of wide eyed devirginization. I live day by day, and my days have been giving me smiles to keep. In other ways, when parts of my history comes around to ground my feet, I feel the void that they used to fill. These people used to make up my everydays, they were there for some of the most important moments of my life. Wow, have things changed.

I used to be the person that would never even think about leaving this country, my home. Having more time to myself nowadays, thinking about life after graduation, I might need to consider travelling for my own self discovery. Self growth? Either or. For the first time in my life, I'm learning how to be independent and to be perfectly honest, I adore every moment of it. I want to do things for myself, without the burden of anchors I'm so used to attaching close to my heart. Does that make me a bad person?

Please excuse this brain fart of a post, sudden burst of 30 second word vomit moment hath passed. I can write better, I swear.

Love Of My Life by Erykah Badu

2011-05-30T06:41:00.004+08:00

I have my freedom, but I don't have much time

Faith has been broken, tears must be cried

Let's do some living after love dies.
The Rolling Stones

When We First Met by Hellogoodbye

2011-05-20T04:23:00.000+08:00

Hi. It's been a while.

Remember this?

I wonder if I'll ever finish a check list. That one seems like a pretty good one.

It's the 20th :) Funny how time flies by.

Stop being such a stranger.

Ps : You should probably update your blog too.

Sunshine.

On & On by Erykah Badu

2011-05-09T17:42:00.004+08:00

Be part of the conspiracy and follow me on Twitter!

@Shjcksn

The Legend of the Dream Catcher.

2011-05-02T04:01:00.000+08:00

Long ago when the world was young, an old Lakota spiritual leader was on a high mountain when he had a vision. In this vision, Iktomi, the great trickster and teacher of wisdom, appeared in the form of a spider. Iktomi the spider picked up the elder's willow hoop which had feathers, horsehair, beads and offerings on it, and began to spin a web. He spoke to the elder about the cycles of life; how we begin our lives as infants, move on through childhood and onto adulthood. Finally, we go to the old age where we must be taken care of as infants, completing the cycle. "But," Iktomi said as he continued to spin his web, "in each time of life there are many forces; some good and some bad. If you listen to the good forces, they will steer you in the right direction. But, if you listen to the bad forces, they'll steer you in the wrong direction, and may hurt you. So these forces can help or can interfere with the harmony of Nature."

While the spider spoke, he continued to weave his web. When Iktomi finished speaking, he gave the elder the web and said, "the web is a perfect circle with a hole in the center. Use the web to help your people reach their goals, make good use of their ideas, dreams and visions. If you believe in the Great Spirit, the web will catch your good ideas and the bad ones will go through the hole."

The elder passed on his vision to the people, and now many Indian people hang a dream catcher above their bed to sift their dreams and visions. The good is captured in the web of life and carried with the people, but the evil in their dreams drops through the hole in the center of the web and are no longer a part of their lives.

This would make for a beautiful tattoo.

Sure Thing by Miguel

2011-05-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

So recently, my tumblr followers have been consistently rising and I found it rather weird. Deciding to check up on these random followers, I discovered that practically all of them had reblogged a photo of my tattoo. I had submitted a photo of my most recent ink job to FYeah Tattoos' tumblr, and since posting it up yesterday (30th April 2011), there have been a total of 2,230 reblogs/likes.

Scrolling through the notes and reading what people wrote about it got me feeling so overwhelmed. It might not exactly be earth shattering news, but to know that other people could relate to this quote (that had altered perspectives and answered so many questions in my life) through a simple photo of my tattoo, most definitely shattered me. Wow:)

Zombie by Pretty Reckless

2011-04-27T02:52:00.001+08:00

It's that time of the year again. So much has happened in the past few weeks, I feel like I'm being drained. Like fully immersed in a bucket of water only to be hung in the hott Malaysian sun, like watching a fresh bag of kush slowly losing its moisture the moment you unseal the bag, like having to take viagra to remain in the game- you get the picture.

I'm alone. For the first time since the start of my dating career, I'm allowing myself to be alone. It's scary af, and I'm apprehensive as to how it turns out. The same time last year I sunk into a hole so deep, a place I couldn't even fathom in my wildest imagination. Keeping busy never means forgetting, even for a person who's staggering to remain upright. As shameful as it is to say this aloud in a public website, being independent is somewhat foreign to me and I'm struggling.

For some reason, I've never been able to catch a break when something stirs. It's like everything piles up and I become a pinata. Unnecessary arguments blow up left right and center- doesn't anyone practice the kitkat theory anymore? Maybe I'm being overtly sensitive, but to find a good friend is rare to me, so getting hurt by one sends warning signals immediately. Once bitten twice shy, right? Or some bs like that.

I'm out of goodbyes.

On a lighter note, yo moma's so wrinkled she had to screw her hat on.

Who Wants To Be Alone by Tiesto ft Nelly Furtado

2011-04-03T04:50:00.004+08:00

I'm a floor dweller; I love lying on the floor. I light incense and candles, that kind of stuff and listen to music. To just exist -Josh Hutcherson

My simple thing.

Excuse me, for I struggle to condense my thoughts and feelings into an actual sentence.

Today I privatized my FB profile. Bitsy move, maybe. Yet for some reason I feel like I just took a step backwards, and these recurrent situations are playing their anchoring roles. Why are the rules of the world set to such hierarchical standards? Why are we given a voice only to have it repressed under the most dire of circumstance? What are the lessons to be learnt from letting a friendship slip from your very fingertips? Oh my, mistakes sure are priced (they lied about the second chances, mistakes latch on to your subconscious for the rest of your life). With my nonchalance cloak wearing thin, I'd like to fast forward to the moment where we all look back and understand the reason of experiencing something silly like this. I'm tired of being the loser- imissyoubabe. Or maybe we're just fated for an alternate reality.

Hello readers of my little space of words, I wish you days filled with beautiful memories.

She was like the moon; part of her always hidden away -Dia Reeves

Teach Me How To Dougie by Cali Swag District

2011-03-24T23:39:00.001+08:00

"Put your junk into the air as if to say,

FUCK YOU WHITE MAN!"

Nicholas D. Kristof

2011-03-23T20:35:00.007+08:00

There is no one in journalism (that I have read about) that has achieved the sort of substance his work has done; travelling around the world to learn, understand and relate over of the ways the underprivileged people are living, especially focusing on the magnitude of potential they have to offer.

After stumbling across his 'Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide' book at last year's Bookfest held in KLCC, Kristof has become a rather prominent figure in my life. His optimism and determination fascinates me, his work moves me, and the fact that he may be the sexiiest man to have won the Pulitzer prize doesn't harm anyone either.

Thats right.

Kristof is an amazing role model for the new generation of journalists, showing them that they don't have to simply watch disasters unfold, but can avoid them by advocating for change. He was amongst the first to apply the word genocide to the murder of hundreds of thousands in Darfur, and doesn't flinch at portraying the bare image of people suffering while the rest of us sit complacently in the comfort of our homes.

If I write about an issue that people have already thought of, I change very few minds. But if I shine a light, I can force revulsion and perhaps cause a change -Nicholas D. Kristof.

Every year, Kristof holds a contest amongst American university students, to accompany him on a reporting trip in the developing world. On the first trip in 2006, he managed to get that student held up at gunpoint, twice. Opportunities like this show journalism students that is possible to get directly involved, while watching Kristof listen to some of the most powerless people on Earth. This year's finalists are pretty outstanding, so if you find yourself procrastinating an assignment and running out of people to stalk on facebook, give this a read- Kristof's blog. He is a part of the list of blogs I follow, somewhere on the right side of this page :) Enjoy.

Soul

2011-03-22T02:49:00.006+08:00

Let Me Blow Ya Mind by Eve ft Gwen Stefani

Gangsta Lovin' by Eve ft Alicia Keys

Videos are tribute to my cherry-popped experience at Rootz, KL. There isn't anything like dancing to RnB with your head in the sky. I finally got my epic night:)

Love Song by 311

2011-03-16T23:36:00.003+08:00

I seem to have lost my faith entirely.

I find it hard to believe in a God that creates a person with the ability to love, but restricts the said ability towards those of the opposite gender. A God that creates homosexuals just like He creates heterosexuals, but puts these homosexuals in a world where His law is to all but burn them at the stake. A God that condemns love between two people as an abomination, simply because they are of the same gender.

I don't understand a God that creates beautiful creatures, yet shuns them. Why create dogs and pigs if the intention was to declare them filthy, to forbid anyone from touching them?

I question a God that creates creatures capable of reason, yet demands for them to act in a manner contrary to the said creation. Religion asks us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. We are taught to practice ignorance when it comes to our faith, and those who raise reason with questions run the risk of sounding faithless (because ignorance is the key to a healthy, wholesome belief). I suppose then, one could also argue that pro-logic equals to anti-religion, as religion is anti-logic!

"Religious evidence not only lacks reason, it's independence from evidence is it's pride and joy, shouted from rooftops" -Richard Dawkins

I refuse to love a God that condemns non believers to eternal damnation; because I question your existence, because I choose to think freely.

It is a struggle, having grown up with religion surrounding me. I'm outside of my circle of comfort, even if that comfort was there out of habit. However, do you stick to something you have absolutely no faith in out of the sake of familiarity, or do you forgo that luxury for the road less taken? A road that, at the end of the day, provides me with the answers I seek.

My worst enemy are my unmastered thoughts.

There's nothing more beautiful than a smile that struggles through tears.

Come Together by Michael Jackson

2011-03-16T14:36:00.001+08:00

BITCH WE GROW OUR FOOD!

Wonderless by Ryan Adams

2011-03-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

"With all the strife and economic woes in the world, religious intolerance, global warming.. It boggles my mind that we are spending time, energy and money trying to ban LOVE.

Well Wall Street is crashing and I'm about to lose my job, but I don't want two people I've never met to put on nice clothes, say nice things to each other infront of nice people and live happily ever after. It's important to my life that this NOT happen -and the courts are humoring this."

"Don't wish me happiness

I don't expect to be happy all the time,

It's gotten beyond that somehow.

Wish me courage, strength and a sense of humour

I need them all."

-Anne Morrow Linbergh, Gift From The Sea

Unpretty by TLC

2011-03-12T05:09:00.004+08:00

So somewhere about two weeks ago, I got myself inked again. This one has some sort of symbolism behind it, in terms of my constant struggles with religion. Though I must say that getting a tattoo right on the length of your spine feels like someone took a bloody sharp knife to carve those words in, I find that I am rather pleased with this quote etched on me, if anything to serve as a little everyday reminder.

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why there is

poverty, famine and injustice in the world

when He could do something about it,

but I'm afraid He might ask me the same question"

I haven't been feeling myself lately, and sometimes I wonder if my mind is outgrowing me. Everyday things have taken a bleak edge and I sit back and ponder about the most cliched thing I can come up with- my purpose as a person. However normal this thought process might be, I somehow seem stuck on this question and it might have taken a toll on my personality, through certain aspects. I find myself socially retarded, I notice my silence in deafening tones, and I miss a friend more than I care to admit.

The sunset in Kuala Selangor.

A tree house, a free house,

A secret you and me house,

A high up in the leafy branches

Cozy as can be house.

A street house, a neat house,

Be sure and wipe your feet house,

Is not my kind of house at all,

Let's go live in a tree house.

-Treehouse by Shel Silverstein

Hi, my name is Alisha Jackson.

Would you care to tell me your story?

Falling Out by Keyshia Cole

2011-03-10T17:45:00.003+08:00

" We haven't been feeling ourselves lately. Maybe we're growing up or maybe it's just the changing of the seasons ; the confusion with the weather being warm one day and freezing the next is confusing our moods as well. We're watching the days pass, just waiting for our summer weather and our summer skin. "

Sunshine

River by Robert Downey Jr

2011-03-09T16:05:00.006+08:00

Ever since the start of 2011, I have been rediscovering Ally Mcbeal. I do find it rather odd how I relate to her fear of loneliness and knack for landing in the stupidest forms of conflict. Yet, I also envy her courage in terms of holding on to the little rays of optimism and not giving in to how easy it is to simply become jaded. Now it might sound silly, but I actually think she's saving me. Ah and John Cage, well let's just call him my idol, shall we:)

Yes yes, I am fully aware that it is but a scripted show, that I am not Alice and that this isn't Wonderland, that it is not at all applicable to the reality of what we actually endure. However, I still find that the lessons at the very base of the story that David E. Kelly has concocted is absolutely brilliant.

Presenting my theme song: My Everything by Barry White.

Dance by John Cage.

High Together by Shwayze

2011-02-13T16:40:00.001+08:00

I live by the W's,

weed and women.

Slow Jamz by Twista

2011-02-08T23:53:00.007+08:00

I spell chicken as chigen, and okay as ogeyh.
I have a cat named Toes, and a naked mole rat named Chutney.
I love the taste of ice cold water in a metal cup as well as starchy rice.
I cannot have two different types of meat in my mouth at the same time.
I date gender confused girls, handsome ahmoi(s) per se, -and I adore them.
I have a smelly blanket that I disguise as a scarf, I hate horror shows.
I open my eyes when I shower to rinse it out or I won't feel clean.
I have an OCD with constantly being smothered in lotion.
My clothes are color-coordinated in my closet, and I am legal to vote.
I have a Harry Potter tattoo.
That's right.

Turn Back Time by Aqua

2011-01-17T02:38:00.004+08:00

I'll get right down to it. Is it normal to have friends that are either unstable or just really faraway? Sometimes when we stop and look around for someone familiar to call without the burden of unnecessary speculation, I surface empty handed. Or when our friends are so isolated from each other that a simple gathering from those you hold dear is near impossible. Is this normal, or am I just rather unfortunate in this department?

“There are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. And when they let you down, shifting from where you’ve carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand.”

I find it a bitch, to feel so alone even though we are surrounded by, well, the rest of the world. It’s like we got lost in this crowd, a newborn pup placed in the middle of a crowded street-esk, and whoev we were holding on to that linked us to everything that matters had just let go.

That’s our mistake. It takes two to hold on, just like how it takes two to hug. Have you been holding on tightly enough? Or were you the one that loosened your grip?

On the other hand, it’s a scary thing to wear your heart on another person’s sleeve. I'm not talking about your significant other half, we pour enough of ourselves into those close to us for it to apply right here too. It’s exposed, it’s vulnerable, and it’s one hell of a risk. And when they drift away like a sailboat being pushed further and further from shore, the little bits that you invested in that relationship sails away with them.

There's you, there's me, and then there's the state lines between Selangor and Melaka, and the stars we used to look at but just aren't what they used to be anymore (refers to the recent barbaric change of the zodiac signs). Do you have enough trust in you? Or do you shoot a snide glance at this naive outlook on life thinking that you are one step ahead and you know better?

Be honest. The thing about us is that we prioritize pride too much. We take it upon ourselves to fix the dilemma we paint ourselves with, when sometimes all it takes is just a dash of patience from a comfortable shoulder to erase the mess and you’d be able to wipe your hands clean and proclaim MISCHIEF MANAGED the way Moody Wormtail Padfoot && Prongs says it. If only, hey.

I want to be the Boogie man and live in a little cottage by the side of a waterfall. Wake up to morning dew dripping off the flowers in my garden, and a little oak tree would be growing its way into a beautiful deeply rooted one. My walls would be filled with books, my kitchen stocked with the latest experiment with my oven. I'd like a cat, some turtles and a labrador to keep me company.

Oh darling, lets be adventurers.

2011-01-16T18:46:00.001+08:00

I would like to meet a storyteller.

Like in our imaginations, the sort of person that can just sit down beside you and take long drags out of the pipe in their hand, recounting the most fabulous stories from their lives whilst looking at you intently with those wise eyes. I want to meet someone with stories to tell.

Phenomenal

2011-01-14T23:28:00.001+08:00

Angel by Akon

@Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2010

I'm Me by Lil Wayne

2011-01-12T03:18:00.006+08:00

Anantara, Krabi.

December 21st till 25th.

Happy Christmas!

Penang,
December 31st till January 2nd.

Blessed 2011!

Rest of the photos are up on Mukabuku, along with my little narrations.
Feel free to stalk them.
How've your holidays been?

Delirious by Vistoso Bosses

2011-01-10T04:51:00.000+08:00

2011. I've come to find that when I'm in a good place, negative energy engulfs me. Do I naturally act as a magnet or is this the journey I'm supposed to undertake? You'd wonder at the the point of sadness my words are coming from, and I wonder if I'm getting weary. Any ideas as to where I could place an order for an army? Preferably one that deals violently, zonked mode on.

Angel by Akon

2010-12-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

Leaving to Penang for New Years in t-minus 8 hours.
Then backpacking around Peninsular! Thats right.
Blessed 2011, yous <3

One In A Million by Ne-yo

2010-12-18T08:30:00.002+08:00

So it just hit me. It's two weeks till another year. Two weeks. Can you believe that? Look where we are now. Think about how we even got here. What a year.

You do realize you still owe me a couple of things you said you'd do this year right? Like that book date. Although I think it's best we don't call it a date anymore. Aha. How bout that breakfast? Or even rock climbing. My my, not a man of your word are you? Though I think I already knew that :)

Jokes aside, how about you make a checklist you can actually tick off next year ey? I'd love to see you do it. Consider this a challenge, Ms Jackson. You did say you needed one. Start the list with keeping your hair long. And maybe that painted footprints on a cloth idea. Maybe something simple like breakfast at 7 in the morning.

I'm actually up early and in the mood for breakfast. Now if only you were one to call at a time like this. Nothing like a walk in the park and breakfast after. Too bad you're almost always in bed at this time of the day.

I should probably stop intruding and rambling on your blog. But hey, it's been a while. Happy Holidays ! If you need me, you know where to find me :) Oh and you have to check this movie trailer out. It looks amazing.

Love, Sunshine.

Ps. This wasn't the post I wanted to publish. It's still there, sitting in my drafts like all my other posts. I guess inspiration only comes when least expected.

You Don't Own Me by The First Wives Club

2010-12-16T05:38:00.005+08:00

The man in my life.

Shopped in Ikea by myself and went slightly mental (in a liberating Monica-esk sense), got my room redone and it looks oh so purdy. Found some massively adorable Batu Serembans to add to my handbag storage; YAYUHH. Surprise Christmas decorations are up, props to my two hobbitual Santa-sent workers. Mad Madam Mims FTW! A salute to the First Wives Club! Take Your Shirt Off by Tpain && DJ Got Us Falling Inlove Again by Usher, cause i miss the quality time in the land down under with my Long Legs! *okayh, shoutout-expressed fits are over :)

I had a good session tonight. How you going?

Self absorbed.

2010-12-13T00:03:00.004+08:00

Idols. Lets talk about who your idols are, and how exactly do you decide on their values that we skim through and pick from- to make an example of. Personally, I don't have an idol per se, but there are people around me that I look up to. Don't we all? Getting to the point, the question that has been gnawing at me like a man on Viagra is the fact that bitchiness seems to be the main trait that people choose to inherit from me.

To be honest, to have people emit doe-eyed looks at yours truly is pretty flattering. I actually think they're bordering on the lines of being somewhat delusional (sorta kinda maybe), but hey, I must be doing something right. However, the cosmos has recently aligned to my disadvantage somewhere in that vast ocean of a galaxie, and the joke is on me. These said people have landed on a world full of disappointment and attitude emergencies.

Teenage angst pisses the begesus out of me- and I'm turning 21 in a month. How do you go from dandelions to complete and utter disrespect? From sugarspiceallthingsnice to a colour of envy that puts the Grinch to shame? From having the world at your stubby feet, to rebelling for the sake of being an immature fool? From having love in the relationship to becoming strangers. I should offer up our scripts to the makers of the OC, cept we might have to paint our skin white or speak with an accent for our demo to stand out. Plan scratched. Why does everything come off as a game, with a whole lot of back and forth mumbojumbo? When bitching becomes an art and you take pride on the shield you protect yourself with- this shield of thorns that produces poison from Phyllobate Terribilis (google it) so that everyone keeps their distance. Wow, I should submit that idea to North Korea since green is the new bomb.

I'm at a stage where nonsensical dramas just bites at me. Already feeling underachieved, I feel like I've taken five steps back by blogging about this. Yet I need an outlet for my frustration, and I'm beyond talking about it. When I look around and only see illusions of bubbles wrapped around 95% of my friends, I wonder at the journeys we are supposed to be undertaking. The great plan that the Man upstairs has set out for us. What are your goals in life? There is so much going on in the world, yet we entertain ourselves with what is within our reach. The circle of friends we travel with, the college degrees we choose, the songs we let influence our minds, the social networks we entangle in. Even that sounded so superficial. With so much to offer, we content ourselves with this? Maybe I need to shake the people in my life around like a bag full of scrabble plates and reprioritize.

A Tyler Ward Acoustic Cover.

2010-12-12T22:21:00.005+08:00

Seeing the attempt at recreating something

Eminem && Lil Wayne did,

pretty good stuff :)

aand..

Black Swan,

featuring Natalie Portman && Mila Kunis.

SCORE!

"No. I like you and you like me but you can't be with me because you're scared. Or because, the timing isn't right. Or my pet dog just died and I'm taking the time to grieve, so being in a relationship right now just doesn't seem responsible. Or maybe, I really like you but I like her ass too, so being with you will automatically not entitle me to anyone else's ass but yours (your ass is good but hers is phenomenal!)"

-Adelina Shee

Snape is cool.

No Love by Eminem ft Lil Wayne

2010-12-08T19:38:00.000+08:00

Stating the obvious.

Thats ~~what~~ all I do.

The Freshmen by Verve Pipe

2010-12-07T23:07:00.005+08:00

It ain't gonna lick itself :)

Ahmazing how I manage to educate myself on so much nonsense while procrastinating study time. Yayuh :) Read these, and spruce up your day.

5 people who started religion to get laid

5 things you wont believe arent in the bible

6 insane cults (that would probably be a lot of fun)

7 shockingly dark origins of children's cartoon characters

5 reasons why anticonformity is worse than conformity

5 ways televesion went crazy since I quit watching in 2003

Beautiful by Damien Marley

2010-12-06T04:20:00.011+08:00

Today's thoughts of under achievement: Bring mama's oven home, get baked.

Wheelchairs are the new feet. Are you game?

I fantasize that as I wake up one morning, the temperature is at a cool 25 degrees. I'd pull on some trekkies and a sports bra, walk down my street to the shops, smoking my first cig of the day. I'd stop by the best kebab store in Malaysia, place my order of lamb and beef with cheese, mayonnaise, onions, bbq chillie tomato sauce, a dash of salad and pepper. Make sure they toast it just right, and after taking a hearty bite out of it (cheese and all the sauces would be dripping down my chin), I'd continue my little rendezvous down the street towards the beach in front of me. Find a nice spot under an old oak tree, pull out my current book and read till brunch time. A wispy wind would be blowing- slightly teasing. I'll then walk to the quaint little ice cream shop, have my usual dose of honeycomb chocolatte with nerds and MnMs, and head home to start the day.

Inlove With You by Erykah Badu & Stephen Marley

2010-12-06T02:31:00.008+08:00

Going through my old posts, I found a drafted one about 3 months back. Jotted this down right after I got home from GC, but for some reason never bothered to finish it. So say hello to something I left way overdue.

Hi :)

Gold Coast was amazing. My first time being abroad and I got to spend it with my best friend, now that's something worth remembering. I went there with the determination to write everything down after each day, maybe catch up on some journal entries, but that plan ended in the plane ride there- the last time I actually jotted anything down. I could smack myself silly, but I still have the memories swirling around my mind. A Shjcksn pensieve :) Food for thought. Sorta kinda maybe.

Three weeks is actually a long time, don't you think? When you travel alone to a foreign country with 21 days to waste, it's like you have a lifetime ahead of you- so to speak. I felt different there. Lighter, calmer and significantly smaller, size-wise. Never have I felt so tiny before- an Asian curse? I'll take it as a blessing.

I had alot of time to myself, and it was extremely liberating. To wake up and have a free memyselfandi day ahead of you- for the beach, for lunch with your book, for plain ole quality time. I had the best ice-cream from Cold Stone, Honey Comb Vanilla Chocolatte with Nerds bits and MnMs. After that was typically a brainstorming scheme plot-majig to start a little store here that caters to that, one of the highlights of my trip fasho :)

While I cheated and hunted for Asian food most of the time, there came a point when I wasn't sure if I wanted to come home. Me, the one person I know that would never migrate out of this country. I dreaded the thought of ending that solo journey I had embarked on, and coming back to the toxicity that is KL. I loved the freedom from all responsibility there, somewhat a step away from tearing my shirt open ala Superman and break out into song. To be someone that no one really knew anything about but got along with just fine, it was lovely.

Now I'm home, and I find it safe to say that my little getaway did wonders for me. I feel better, I appreciate more things at home, and I have a fresher view on certain aspects of my life :D Don't you just adore the conclusion to my little story?

I love.

Reading back on what I wrote, I wonder how much something can change in the course of a few months. That last paragraph I wrote reminded me of the clarity I found while being away, and I don't know where that has dissolved to. Not to say that things are topsy in a turvy sense, but I find myself in some sort of a rut. I feel under accomplished and uninspired. I reach that debatable 21 figure in about a month, rather anti climatic in my opinion.

Any projects you could involve me in?

Heartbreak Warfare by THE Mayer

2010-11-22T23:20:00.003+08:00

Jamaican Lambs Breath && Mellow Mango fo real.

I've been meaning to head over to a centre in PJ that caters to abused children and offer up my volunteering skills for weeks now, but everytime we attempt at setting a date and time, something comes up. My lack of determination is irritating the begesus out of me, and I'm starting to wonder if it's just one of my procrastination tactics. Am I actually ready for what I've been striving for?

When I look at myself 10 years down the line, I don't see marriage and kids. Not to say that isn't an option, I just never really prioritized it. What is it about your relationship being recorded on a piece of paper that attracts 95% of the world? Beats me. Ask me what I see myself doing, and if I had it my way, you'd get answers ranging from the UN to other sorts of human rights work. A wannabe activist, you say? Well I plead guilty. If I could redo my whole college degree, I'd have worked harder in high school to get a scholarship and applied to the LSE or Birkbeck and major in Human Rights. Instead, I'm trying to answer what is deemed to be the most challenging question of my college years - PR or Broadcasting? Maybe then I'd feel slightly more accomplished.

Oh the hazy visualization of dreams. I need to stop sleeping all the damn time.

Sooper Troopers!

Beggin' by Madcon

2010-11-16T20:26:00.002+08:00

She like my style, but thats expected.

She coming back to you?

The chance is anorexic.

Got my mixtape burnt to complement the Harrier driving experience, about to go pork hunting with some old buddies. Fasho.

Wet Pants Worthy

2010-11-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

Food for thought just before I cook dinner..

2010-11-01T20:38:00.006+08:00

All Souls Day is tomorrow and I'll be stuck in college from 830 in the am to 630 in the pm. I have not attended mass this whole year and I don't know where I stand in terms of this. Lighting a candle by your grave and sitting by your tombstone just now brought back waves of nostalgia, and I have to say that I miss you.

It's been 7, almost 8 years that you've been gone and I still sense the whiff of your presence. You're a part of me, no matter how much time has past, no matter how far away you seem. I look at our family today and I feel you amongst us, though I wish you were still around to see how much everyone has grown. To maybe see how much I have grown.

I think of Uncle Adrian's eulogy to you and I wish he had been around when you had to go, the same way I wish I had stayed in the hospital when Daddy and Uncle Mark had, and snuck you out for horrible goats milk and bad thosai with them. I wish we had you home, where you should have been. I wish I hadn't broken down when I had to go up to the altar and read what I wrote for you, I wish I pulled myself together enough to give you the going away ceremony you deserved. Maybe I should just hire a jetplane and pretend it's a shooting star, ey.

I suppose we all hold this vision of hope inside us, that you watch us from wherever you are. You'd smile at the silly things we get ourselves in, the superficial ways we get distracted from what's really important. I'd like to think that you merely went away physically, that a part of you still lingers around each of us, helping us get through our everydays. I mean it is how it is, and if it's just a bubble we use to wrap ourselves in, well so long as we make it through the day.

I think of you everytime I see mama, everytime I walk in your house, the house I grew up in. You made our family what it is today. You taught me the joy of giving, watching you give and give and give. You showed me how it is to care for the people around us, how much of a difference a little bit of love can make and therefore to never be selfish with my heart. Memories might fade, but when they reappear, you help me remember. So I'll smile, and I'll remember you for who you were. For what you've done for me, for how much you loved me.

I love you, papa. Visit me in my dreams sometime, maybe we could have a little bit of a conversation :)

With a box of Yeo's Lychee drink in my hand..

2010-10-26T02:55:00.003+08:00

Blog hopping, I read the words my friends so passionately write about things that inspire them. At an age where we absorb everything we experience like Babu's three layered tummy, we are at the beginning of this journey we call life. To jot it down, be it on your blog or on your college notebook, is to record that particular moment, that thought for future reference. Life is all about moments, right? Yet why is it that we care to whine and bitch about nonsensical things that only serves to bring about unnecessary feelings of frustration? I plead guilty.

I'm reading a book about the poverty, famine and injustice that occurs continuously around us, and although it's eye opening in a more detailed sense, I'm reading about things I already know about. I know that maternal mortality is an issue that isn't prioritized. I know that women are considered in every aspect but the actual term- slave, in most parts of the world. I know that the taboo with sex causes the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, leading to the expulsion of the concerned individuals from society. I know that human trafficking is one of the biggest wars we have ever faced. I know all this yet I am part of the ignorant population that pledges verbally to be the change we all want to be- and I leave it at that.

We drown ourselves in the gossips of our friends or the celebrities we adore stalking. We are part of the generation of youths that bitch about the errors of our government and wait for the day when we can leave this wretched country. We don't give two hoots about this country that has nurtured us for the past two decades, this country like other countries that has it's flaws yet still provides- we look to other countries with awe, especially that of the white men and long to live amongst them. We wait for someone to take a stand, so that we can agree with their actions and lend them our support from the comfort of our own living room. We care only enough to right the wrongs of the things within our reach, of the superficial things that affect the happiness and comfort of our current way of life. We maybe donate our clothes once a year to the orphanages, and dust our hands from social work for the rest of the year. Or maybe the more civilized of us might sit around the room after our regular dose of karim, speak about the lyrics Bono wrote and plan backpacking trips to places that might make a difference.

What are we doing with ourselves?

Our Intermission by Between June and December

2010-10-14T01:11:00.004+08:00

My research proposals are just about to knock me unconscious. Work starts in T-minus 5 hours, (yes, I count the hours from moment I have to wake up, take the train to KL and walk my totes round ass to work) and I've been having cramps all day. Again, I don't think reproduction is a valid enough reason to undergo menstrual cramps. Listen to the song I've listed as my blog title, a friend wrote it for his girlfriend when he had to leave for his studies- the band's on facebook. V, you are sorely missed.

Story of our lives.

Just A Dream by Nelly

2010-10-06T06:13:00.002+08:00

I'm diggin' on you

You're diggin' on me

We're diggin on we.

Half the Sky by Nicholas D Kristof & Sheryl Wudunn is definitely a must read. Babs has discovered the wonders of nips pasties. I am but a flower bud; I am a part of something bigger. I had chinese chigen curry today (which calls for some serious thumbs up motion) :) This dipping my fingers in paint and going crazy on a big piece of cloth idea needs some massive action!

If You Leave by Musiq Soulchild ft Mary J Blige

2010-09-26T17:06:00.002+08:00

Merdeka.

I color-coordinated my closet.

Jyeahh, I did ;D

2010-09-22T15:59:00.000+08:00

An acoustic version of DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again.
I think it's pretty cool. Just thought I'd share.

<3 Sunshine.

Gotten by Adam Levigne ft Slash

2010-08-07T01:38:00.000+08:00

So I have officially made it to the Gold Coast :) Had one hell of an experience traveling, with my luggage going missing and all that. Madness. Other than that, the place is beautiful and the campus is pretty much awesome. Had the most jakun moment in the flight when we reached the Gold Coast and all I saw was water. There are lakes everywhere! The weather here is slowly freezing my brain cells, and it got so cold that I even farted cold air. Imagine that :)

Damage: 160aud

Max Brenners!

Micah Amaro Westbrook,

nephew :)

D Rajah and son :)

Predrinks in the room,

champagne.

Mandyy the drunktard

Kings drinking game.

Rule: No showing teeth throughout the game!

The best friend <3

Jason Miller,

our purpose of the night :)

On the bus to East

Chris, another birthday kid.

Jason, his brother on the right.

It's official, we were drunk.

The room in the morning :)

The morning after,

I'd say we cleaned up pretty well.

Zane at his birthday lunch.

Mr Jason Miller :)

It's my forth, almost fifth day here and I barely have any photos. I need to be reminded to take the camera out to capture these moments that I'm letting slip by so easily. 18 days left here and I will try my utmost best to do that :) Till then, fingers cross that I don't freeze to death. Have a nice day the way Bon Jovi sings it!

Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars

2010-08-06T03:51:00.001+08:00

Shjcksn is in Australia, and i dislike her for it.

I wish i was on a holiday.

" Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been, what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we'd just have to learn over and over again. "

<3 Sunshine

Cigarettes by The Wreckers

2010-07-21T04:25:00.002+08:00

I think I might like the quiets nights of this empty life.

Vous n'avez pas des os en verre

2010-07-19T05:28:00.001+08:00

I find myself searching for a quiet burst of brilliance.

Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner

2010-07-19T04:39:00.007+08:00

(Blog list updated.
Ch-ch-check it out!
Wh-wh-what it's all about!)

So for the past 24 hours I have been considering extending my trip to Gold Coast. In that 24 hours, I have decided this- from originally spending 7 days there, I will now have 3 weeks of the getaway I've been ranting about. Not bringing my laptop along to limit my online time, and not planning to upload any credit either to put the links I have back home on hold. So long as my parents can call, that should be fair game right?

I have to say that I am quite worried to be leaving for so long though. I've never actually stayed away from home for three weeks in a row, and this is the whole salty sea away :O The vast ocean that has a whole world of their own underwater (yes I just said that, ehmagod). I'm afraid of the changes that would take place in those 3 weeks of me pulling a disappearing act, but after I reevaluated that thought, who's to say I'm not going to be the one doing the changing? I guess I have to learn that I can't control everything (I mean you'd think I'd have adopted that habit by now) and things are bound to happen whether I'm around or not.

I'm massively excited to be experiencing my best friend's world head on. I'm squirming on my toes to keep from skipping, while I wait till I get to spend some time with my cousin and her newborn. I'm crossing my fingers in hopes of being able to stay with Achibabs for a little bit too. I am going with the intention to cleanse and transform :D Amen.

On the same note, it's better for me to focus on myself for the said 3 weeks and fix what I can, since I'll be going with no strings attached. Wow, that'a a first. I'll say it again, for my own sake if you'll excuse me. No strings attached. Now, that's going to take some getting used to. And yes, this post is my attempt at stringing words together. Be happy for me!

Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky :)

Under My Bed by Meiko

2010-07-18T17:31:00.003+08:00

" Nobody said it was easy,

No one ever said it would be this hard,

Oh, take me back to the start. "

No one likes to see each other sad.

I hope you turn that frown upside down soon.

" If only you could have them back, or remember who they were. "

If only it were that easy.

Change or no change, you're still the Alisha Jackson that i know.

The one who loves to read.

The one who knows how to appreciate the finer things in life.

The one who's always there for you.

The one who wants to be a punk rocker with flowers in her hair.

The one who will always have someone to call sunshine.

Be good now.

<3 Sunshine.

Jersey by Mayday Parade

2010-07-18T05:20:00.007+08:00

What's so good about making wishes? I'm listening to Hayley Williams sing about how she could use one right now. Don't we all? I think saying you wish for something is overrated. What more is there for you to do, cept you either work for it or let it go.

I wish for a lot of things. For things I've done that hurt the people around me, to erase them. For things I haven't done, to actually do them. Doesn't mean much though, to so easily say you wish for them. Think so? Things I wish for doesn't come true. I work for them, but they don't come true. Or maybe I pray for the strength to work for them, but it doesn't come trough. So I let go. In any case, I'm trying to erase the two words from my dictionary.

Why do we make mistakes knowingly? To learn from them. Do you have an answer thats not as cliche? I don't know if I do though, learn from them I mean. I've heard that I could be pretty stubborn. But how do you completely let go of something you have engrained so deeply into who you are? To convince yourself that it's for the better, and in that case, better for who exactly? Bullshit, you know it doesn't work that way.

I think they lied to us about global warming. I mean is it just me, or has the days gotten colder? Cause I stood still under the burning sun and my bones were chilled. Fucking liars.

'Have you come here for forgiveness? Have you come to raise the dead?' I don't know why Bono sang that, but I related to it. Have I come for forgiveness? To raise the dead? I think I want to, but I don't think I know how. Maybe I'm taking that fall from grace and I'm supposed to find my way. Watching my life pass me by in the rearview mirror and I try to loosen up, but I can't.

Do you hear the dolphins cry?

How do dogs do it? To just sleep all day, eat and poop. Fuck when necessary, love unconditionally. Is it the food? For I would gladly have me some.

I can't be her angel now, you know it's not my place to hold her down. And it's hard for me to take a stand, when I would take her anyway I can.

You get me by Michelle Branch has come on. One of my favorite songs. You do you know. I say you don't to reassure myself, to somehow believe that no one does. I don't know why.

Tiger Lily by Matchbook Romance.

"Our past will hold up for our future"

I'd like to write a song we could dance to. Cause no one listens anymore. So maybe a dance song would be good, we could dance our feelings out instead.

What are you worth? What are each of us worth? Is my self worth more than the soldier that came home but hits his wife? Am I worth more than the gardener that mows our gardens? Am I worth more than the cat whose organs are strewn all over the road cause it got run over? What does it mean to be worth something, anyway? Answer me.

Binder just sniffed every inch of me. I have slobber on my toes.

Sometimes I think all I need is a pack of cigarettes and the itouch. The combination of the two with a night alone at the park makes quite a team, actually. Things I feel flow right through, and I wonder when they'd actually start to hack at me. Cause I'm waiting. In this endless void, I'm waiting for something.

How was Alisha Jackson like before? Enlighten me, cause I think she's gone. And I'm scared to death, she left me with a shell. A smiling shell, but the smile doesn't go through. How did she make it go through before again?

In the spirit of saying you win,

2010-07-17T18:35:00.000+08:00

I don't recognize my own voice.

True Colors by Cindy Lauper

2010-07-15T11:02:00.011+08:00

You know what? When we do things we're not supposed to, I say we say fuck it and shove it up theirs. We are YOUNG! I want to grow old and be able to say "You know what? I had some massively good kaya in college when I was 20 and absolutely rocked what was supposed to be the most pathetic presentation ever". I want to be able to say I pierced my tongue at 19, got my first tattoo at 18 in honor of my late and deeply loved grandfather, I ate damn sushi thatalmostgavemeagagreflex for my best friend's birthday, scored with an absolute stranger, let out the air in someone's tires. I want to be able to say "I climbed Mount K when I was 19, and though I didn't rock that mountain, I got my first coldtemperaturebodyshocklipbleeding experience, I got to witness one of God's most beautiful creations - the sky at sunrise and sunset from above the clouds". I want to be able to say I made someone run in the nude along the street, dressed like I hated the feel of clothes on my skin, made a car massively steam up ala Titanic, stole a stranger's Crocs then arranged it neatly outside their house, smoked my first cigarette at 13, had a long mohawk at 20. I want to be able to say "I got pissed drunk for the first time when I was 18, and I had V and Fatface with me and we couldn't remember shit the next day". I want to be able to say "I got my first heartbreak when I was 20, she was the most amazing girl. She's my bestfriend, and she was the one who got away".

I'm Gone (Acoustic) by Jay Sean

2010-07-15T06:06:00.002+08:00

Strength. What does that mean again?
Trust. What does that mean again?
Love. What does that mean again?
Second chances. What does that mean again?

I used to say we were unbreakable,

but I just went changed it all.

Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden

2010-07-15T03:02:00.000+08:00

I think it's really sad how I can't write anymore. I don't have the inspiration to come up with anything inspiring. I figure, if I can barely inspire myself, why try inspiring anyone right? Wrong. This writer's block has got me feeling like I can't let go of anything. I used to write so much, and it gave me this sense of fulfillment. To be able to let the words flow through my fingers to a pen to be inked onto a piece of paper. The paper might get lost over the years, but for that moment, I would have the satisfaction of having it jotted down in black and white. It's like now I barely have anything going through my head even worth saying aloud. It's sad cause writing was somewhat how I defined myself. How exactly do I do that now? Maybe I should start reading again. Maybe I should stop finding excuses to not pick up a book. They've always been my ultimate joy above everything, but I don't even have a good book to start off with. Oh how I used to bring my books around everywhere with me, to school, to the bathroom, to dinner, or even when I went out, how I could not sleep even if I was beyond exhausted, I just had to read atleast a coupla pages. Everything I pick up nowadays doesn't bring that overwhelming urge to read religiously. I want to experience those little joys again, maybe this time I'm taking for myself would help me rediscover them. I'm hoping for it, at the very least. Or maybe I should come up with my own little screamo album and post it on YouTube. I heard it's addictive.

You are love.

Sunny Came Home by Shawn Colvin

2010-07-14T03:05:00.000+08:00

"I tried to win you back.

I didn’t try much, but I guess in a way I did.

But you’re strong and you fought it, so you win.

I’m done, I’ll get over you now."

Fix You by Coldplay

2010-07-13T19:45:00.001+08:00

" Nostalgia - its delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek nostalgia literally means “the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It let’s us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved. "

- Don Draper, Mad Men

That's sort of what i'm feeling now. Nostalgic. I guess we all have our moments.

There are times where I wish conversations would make everything better, but we can never find the right words to say sometimes. I wish i could snap my fingers and things would get back to normal.

You taught me a lot in these two years that i've known you and i'm thankful.

You were part of making me who i am.

And really, i don't know what i'd do without you, without them.

So thank you :)

( Excuse my corny-ness )

I need to check something off my checklist !

I want my book back so i can read again.

You still owe me that book date :)

Sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do. Sometimes people won't understand you, sometimes they refuse to believe you're doing something for the right reasons. Sometimes, they just don't want to.

But in the end, we all have to.

And we'll be okay :)

" A song can take you back instantly to a moment or a place or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. "

I am here for you, always. And so is the rest of your world.

" The way she's shown you love, you'll never forget. And that's why, no matter what she does, you will always come back to her. You will always want to be there for her. "

" Tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace.

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and i will try to fix you. "

Don't go too far, Ms Jackson.

<3 Sunshine.

Hate In My Heart, Love In My Mind.

2010-07-07T18:03:00.000+08:00

Wrong answer.

Wrong move, Sher.

Calling The Maker by Aimee Allen

2010-07-06T02:48:00.007+08:00

"I believe in the imagination.

What I cannot see is infinitely more important than what I can see."

And I just fell inlove with a note.

Sunshine's CheckList

1. Go all over to find old book stores with those ancient shelfs and hand me down books. Those shops where I can smell the sweet scent of books aging and just stay there for a while.

2. Learn a dance move with a bunch of my friends so that when the song plays in a crowded room we can bust those moves and clear the dance floor.

3. Have a glow in the dark party with neon lights and those glow in the dark paint, so we can all shine in the dark and look all cool.

4. Sing in the middle of a crowded street and get round of applauses with people singing along just because they know the words to the songs we sing.

5. Get wasted just for one night and drive somewhere and not have to think about going home, or any problems at all. I only need one night to be free.

6. Watch movie marathons the entire day, eating popcorn, drinking soda. Crying, laughing, gasping and covering our faces while watching those movies and have a slumber party with sleeping bags in the living room.

7. Go on a book date. Somewhere cosy and cold. Somewhere i can wrap myself up in a ball and read all day. A drink and your company. That would be great.

8. Have a party with lots of people and games, we would play charades all night while shouting and screaming our lungs out. We’ll have food and a dance floor, we’ll take silly pictures and post them on facebook for everyone to see.

9. Lie in bed all day with someone, just lying there. Maybe get up to look for food, come back to bed and lie again. We could read or just talk about life till we fall asleep again.

10. Go to a hill, a mountain, somewhere high to watch the sunset and stay there till the sunrise.

Because she's my Sunshine and I'm her Earth like that :)

Lean back, take a breath, clear your mind and click on this.

I'm dreaming at the top of my lungs.

Today I lost my toenail.

2010-07-03T18:49:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I don't understand what people want from me. When I try to do the right thing, they turn around and do everything butt smack you in the face. Sometimes, maybe I'd rather the smack in the face. Kiss my toenail-less toe, I'm going dancing tonight!

"I'm different, I'm difficult.

Akward, real.

You may get me, you may not.

I hope you do, I don't care if you don't."

The Hardest Thing - 98 Degrees

2010-07-02T19:04:00.001+08:00

HI :) I decided to spare you sommme of my precious time to show my BF some loovin'.

It's cold. And it's raining outside. I love it - I realised, the more depressing the weather, the happier I become. Wow, I'm such a sadist.
But wah, an overcast, and that fog-like Twilight weather just makes my heart skip 2 beats. Makes me a little happy, lah. <3

So, posting videos around Facebook has been highly entertaining. Like ehmagod, how could I have not discovered it sooner? However I think the Fever has died-ed a bit ah, I think we've bombarded too many people's walls - so I figured it's lost all novelty.

JUST so you don't forget my face:

.......aaaaaaaand you wonder why I'm still single.

I hope your toe is better. Am missing you, oh butch one. :( But not too long now till you get your perky-bum over to ME. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to having you here. Really. <3
It's got me all giggly like a little school girl.

Alright, I'll sign off. Be good now, don't do shit I wouldn't x

Why Are We Still Friends by 98 Degrees

2010-06-28T02:06:00.002+08:00

Oh mann,

this would be my home away from home.

And I'll take Sunshine with me :)

Love The Way You Lie by Eminem ft. Rihanna

2010-06-27T03:51:00.007+08:00

So i can be your light?

There's a reason why you call me sunshine :)

It's been a while. I'm feeling rather nice tonight.

With my full bloated tummy, lying on my bed, snuggled up in my blanket with my book at the side and my tumblr dashboard open, i can say im pretty content.

Just a bit.

I fell in love with this house.

Look at all the books in it. And all that glass :O

You know, you can be pretty darn annoying at times.

You never answer my questions, you have random mood swings, you say the weirdest things and you burp in my face.

Still love you though, despite all that ( amazingly ).

How are you doing, Ms Jackson?

Smilingwithyourteeth?

<3 Sunshine

Seize The Day by Avenged Sevenfold

2010-06-26T03:23:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Game over.

Tumblr makes me happy.

2010-06-26T03:20:00.000+08:00

Ohmygod.

So happy.

I'm Not Afraid by Eminem

2010-06-23T20:38:00.001+08:00

"Dreams may be temporary flights into madness that, by some law of neurophysiology unclear to us, keep us from actual madness."
-Joyce Carol Oates, Running & Writing

Beautiful Day by U2

2010-06-23T10:47:00.001+08:00

BAM!

Do yourself a favor and make your day by following us:

Come Live In My Heart And Pay No Rent :)

I honestly am going tumblr crazy. It's mad. It's riddikulous the way they say it in Harry Potter (sortakindamaybe). It's beautiful :) My FB is lost in an ocean of tumblr posts, and I absolutely love it. Honestly, they should make tumblr a religion already.

And that's the only way you do it.

So I am dying to read this book by Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being. The quotes on tumblr from it are just genius. Oh and I hate that my app that shows the number of visits I have has become such a chiq, I had 30,000 over visits since 2009! Potongg :D Oh &&I have Portugal as my Google Chrome theme! What Whaat :):) Thanksyou Sunshine.

“I stepped into the backyard & ran & ran little tight circles around the lemon tree, leaning my head in to increase the centripetal force, trusting this would prevent me from running away. I wondered if there was a train waiting at the train station, going to someplace beautiful; I wondered if the conductor had a mistress that he kept in the caboose.” -Aimee Bender, Dreaming in Polish

I like it when we exchange stares.

Kiss The Girl by Sebastian the crab

2010-06-20T18:24:00.002+08:00

Bugger's a genius.

Man am I going to miss you, boy. Our conversations about the world, our aspirations to be the change we want to see in people, your random texts that puts Garfield to shame. I could go on and list everything I adore about you, but I'll save that for us. Go forth, be everything I know you can be and continue to preach about the bliss of Kaya the way God Marley sings it :) Be good, hottstuff. I love you till the world comes down.

2010-06-20T10:50:00.002+08:00

So I've been living on other people's tumblrs, simply because I am absolutely head over feet inlove with tumblr but would not get one for myself. I adore tumblr. I am a tumblr junkie. Tumblr makes me happy :) Just saying. So read Babu's tumblr, as well as Sunshine's if you notice a lack of updates here. I'm just basically distracted over there :) Hello distractions, oh how I've missed thee.

GO PORTUGAL!

Buzzin' by Shwayze

2010-06-20T10:50:00.001+08:00

The wonders of FIFA.

Elevation by U2

2010-06-16T17:17:00.000+08:00

This is SEX :)

Green Light by John Legend ft Andre 3000

2010-06-13T15:37:00.006+08:00

Jolie: Stunning x2.

Oh, Lady Gaga’s Alejandro video just about killed the song for me, and might be messing with my dreams at night. I'm all for freedom expression and I adore gay men more than straight men, but the male species should not be put in tight briefs and heels. Ever. Oh, I love Hayley Williams’ latest photos, if you know what I’m talking about. Though I wish they were a dash pinker :)

Congratulations goes to my Cheyenne Hillary Lee Jackson for finally getting confirmed. I love you Fatty, and I'm so proud of you <3

I think my friends are more excited at the prospect of me dating boys again than I am. I mean the amount of Hallelujah songs being sung now along with the massive Garfield grins going around, I'm not sure if I should feel insulted or not :) Hello forgotten species. How you doing?

"May the state of the original Grago win the World Cup this year. Or atleast the top 3. Amen." -Aaron James Leong

Pyramid by Charice

2010-06-10T02:39:00.003+08:00

I love the vibe of this photo.

I adore my best friend and the way we tell each other our little gossips and crushes with life. She makes me feel like such a chiq :D I am going to cut my hair into a long mohawk, yay me! Though Daddy would then just have to hide my whole head under his armpitt whenever we go out, instead of only my shaven left side as he does now. I can't deal with this one sided haircut, as cool as I think it is, I can't handle the amount of care it requires. And I swear it messes with my struggle with imbalance more.

I want to be able to draw like this.

I think She will be loved by Maroon 5 shall be my new theme song. After I wish I was a punk rocker by Sandi Thom, that is. Oh did you know that sticky sweets make your tongue sting if you continuously pop them into your mouth nonstop? I especially like it when you eat assam right after and it stings even more. Heh, almost beats the rubbing salt on an ulcer feeling. I think Sunshine should stop trying to woo me by singing to me. FIFA in two days! I need to get my Portugal jersey, and all bets are on. Anyone fancy going eyebrow-less? Oh, I am now intrigued and waiting for moons to align :) Just saying.

Jizz In My Pants by The Lonely Island

2010-06-08T21:58:00.001+08:00

I have to sketch a new kind of font and numbers for my Typography class. Homework I'm psyched for! :D Oh, check out the new tumblr I'm following - FUCKYEAHDYKES! Goood stuff. Aand I'm off to jakun at mountain bikers riding. Have a nice night <3

Just Want You To Know by Backstreet Boys

2010-06-06T02:27:00.003+08:00

I haven't seen it in a while.

Im hungry and i thought about you. Cause you were the one with the knack to eat at odd hours of the night, to cook something at 3 in the morning.

You weird child :)

I think this photo is cool.

I want to watch the sunset. A really nice sunset at a really nice place. I haven't in a while. I also want to go to the beach with my hat and maybe a guitar.

I'll let you come with me, if you want. I will buy you bottles of beer !

One condition though, leave all your worries behind Ms. Jackson.

You have to leave toes too ! Heh. Heh.

Im starting to think you've forgotten how to be.

The main point of this post was because i am bored and hungry :)

Hope you appreciate it nonetheless.

<3 Sunshine.

California Girls by Katy Perry ft Snooooooop Dogg

2010-05-30T14:59:00.003+08:00

Greetings loved ones.

I think I'm calming down. Sure, my tear ducts have amazingly disappeared, people think I've pulled a Britney on myself, and my body might be developing Parkinsons, but I would like to think that I am. I have Toes sleeping in between my thighs, so it's all love :)

I have new photos! New photos besides clubbing ones, that is :) It's nice to have non wasted shots of myself again, so enjoy my mass uploads :)

The spur of the moment trip up to Gentings. Having the same good food we had exactly a year ago (though I could still swear the salted egg yolk sotong was actually in existence), reliving some bumper car goodness, dying through horrible Motion Picture experiences, mind boggling Ripley's Believe it or Not tricks, mangosteens and rambutans at the back of the Triton at the edge of the parking lot overlooking the mountainside, the Swee Chin temple exploration = a good getaway.

The Empire checklist experience (so much for that book date) :) When life gets rough, we turn to the people around us. We discover new reasons that are worth our tears, we rediscover the people that are willing to stand by whatever decision we make, we discover ourselves under this entirely different light. It's like an adventure is laid out for us, handed to you on a silver platter. A new path opens up, a path that is paved by my stomach, proudly leading the way :) You are gorgeous, Sunshine. Let yourself shine. I'm always going to be here, like glue on paper indeed :)

Do you realize that most of our photos are in dressing rooms? When you would barge in on me changing even though there is a perfectly usable room next door. You steal my clothes, you steal my lines, you overwhelm my friends with your take me as I am and I am Sha's sister presence, you talk too loud. You cook for me, you wipe away my tears, you slobber me with kisses, you invade my hole (but there is noone I would rather have in there with me), you love me unconditionally. Flubber would like to thank Fatty for being her background :)

Her first Malay wedding experience.

If I could, I would come up with a time machine and rewind us all the way back to 2002. When we used to dread missing school, when we were the apple of the teachers' eye, when we'd constantly compete with each other's english like the proud nerds we were, when we'd actually wake up in the morning to play badminton, when trips to the Times Square theme park with the rest of the gang was something worth planning weeeks in advance for, when we'd represent the school in all kinds of academic shit and win and have heartattack laughs about vegetables, when you had me and I had you and that was all there was to it :) We will help each other back up now, somehow, so we can both be that annoyingly perky queens again.

My pulling a Britney moment.

Malaysian girls, we're undeniable

Fine, fresh, fierce

We've got it on lock!

November 2009.

Tell me I look ayu, the way VE sings it :)

Sometimes, I don't know how to describe things between us. Remember when I said that you are the one person I can see beside me at all stages in my life? When I achieve world peace through my singing threats and Rastafarian preachings, when I become a punk rocker with flowers in my hair, when I become a billionaire due to my massively awesome advertising skills, when I elope with some new aged hippie, when I have babies and you become their godmother, when my skin gets wrinkly loose and saggy, you can sit beside me on that rocking chair and I'd read to you and you'd finally appreciate the beauty of a good book cause you'd be too old to do anything else :) You are my best friend, you mean the world and more to me. There is the purity in you that pulls on me like a magnet, or maybe it's just that jaggedy smile that I adore :) Thanksyou for being you, and I emphasize on every meaning that could come out of that sentence.

Because with them,

I can leave things unsaid <3

Empty by The Click Five

2010-05-24T23:56:00.001+08:00

The owner of this blog has gone and done a disappearing act.

I hope you don't disappear for long. Come back home :)

Your loud voice, your odd laugh, your obscene way of dressing, your non stop eating and your smile is missed. Very much indeed.

If i were a magician, i would make everything go away and bring you back.

The audience will clap and everything goes back to the way it was.

You're strong Sha, you are.

To the world, you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.

You will always have the people who love you to guide you home.

<3 Sunshine.

Forever Young by Alphaville

2010-05-22T01:15:00.001+08:00

"Have you forgot to remember to forget?"

Where are you, Sha? Come home please.

Stay by Sugarland

2010-05-20T01:23:00.001+08:00

Meet Toes.

She is the LoveOfMyLife :)

Beautifully done.

Magic by BoB ft Rivers Cuomo

2010-05-19T01:07:00.002+08:00

I think there are enough reasons to.

You don't have to shine as bright as the sun. If you shine at right time, you'd be the brightest thing out there.

Sunshine <3

Pure Morning by Placebo

2010-05-14T15:20:00.000+08:00

Tell me I can so pull off a dyke look.
All you girls in experimental mode totes want to get in my pants.